today i went looking for scholarships,
hoping to cash in on the wealth
the media has told me will be freely granted to me
by virtue of my "queerness"--
and find myself terrifically underqualified.
there are no scholarships just for existing
the way i do, loving
the people i do, being
the person i am.
i'd have to be going into a STEM field, or,
"demonstrate leadership qualities."
even if i understood what that meant, i'm sure it doesn't apply to me.
these scholarships are all for
where's the money allocated to cowards?
surely there must be some organization interested in the welfare
of reticent pansies cowering in their closets.
it isn't even a secret anymore.
it's more like there's an elephant in the room, and i'm sitting on top--no--
i AM the elephant, and i'm pretending i'm not an elephant
and everyone else is pretending there's no elephant
because there isn't,
THERE IS NO ELEPHANT.
and they don't give out scholarships to elephants anyway.