Draining Oceans

 

I was born into this life,

              flew into the earth 

head held high, 

                clenched fist raised to the sky 

 

 

I’d heard all the rumors, 

of warfare and hate 

so I set off in my own way, 

//// with eyes built, --- foundation of steel 

Determined to conquer this atmosphere, 

 

No darkness  

               could reach me,

it’s fingertips burned 

                  before it could touch me

 

emotion --- was a danger, 

like a warning sign placed  before a broken bridge

I --- didn’t know how to      build     bridges. 

 

Instead - I formed oceans,      currents hard and set, 

moving away from me.                                                              island in the sea. 

 

anyone who couldn’t  -- brave these oceans,    vast, mysteriously rigid 

couldn’t swim through -- the titanium waves,  colder than    ice,   bottomless, dark  

 

they didn’t deserve to feel, to see 

inside my bones. the very bones that formed a cage around my heart. 

 

///  then, one day, you -- began to swim. 

 

I saw you coming from light years away, 

my // veins began to tremble, I had put my confidence in those // waves and tide, 

trusted them to keep me from trusting

 

but no --- matter how many storms I threw in your path, 

you never stopped swimming, one arm in front -- of the other

fingertips reaching, begging -- for me to grab hold

 

// my strength could not last - beneath the weight of the -- grace in your eyes, the love in your palms

                            ankles grew weak, knees splitting, falling 

your two words, ---  spoken in silence, ---- “be /// still” 

 

the atmosphere,       mist and wind, - tranquil and silent, 

light calming the thrashing of my eyes

 

this war I had fought, -- my alamo, -- my mission 

                                       to steel myself from the pain,    vulnerable,    trusting

 

now broken in the ground, I tried    to pull myself up, yet    as I reached out, 

           I found on my island, made of          distrusting glances,          miles of fortress, 

one soft white stone. 

 

after a lifetime of existing, with my knees to my chest 

you pried my fingers, one by one, from around my calves 

 

i’ll never forget the moment my bones were broken, crushed -- to powder, 

                                                                                                                  finer -- than dust 

all that was left was my  - heart, my soul - held within your pierced hands. 

 

hands wounded from          relentless waves and lightening ///  of hate 

 

Uncertainty found me, 

                             as I felt you gathering, 

                                                       all of my powder together

 

                 and as you reform 

 my bones and my soul, 

                                         teach me lean on the wind 

 

                 and as you restart 

my eyes and my heart, 

I’m learning to lean on the wind

 

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