Why won’t I get it?

 

I have friends both male and female.

I go to parties.

I’m social with others.

I do all these things and yet

Whenever I hear my loved one does it as well

My brain tells me

 

Run.

Run harder.

Run faster.

Just get away.

They will hurt you.

They will leave you.

Run as fast as you can.

Never be taken advantage of again.

Find someone who lacks confidence.

Who’s introverted.

Who you can make dependent on you.

Make them need you.

It’s the only way to be sure they won’t leave you.

They won’t hurt you.

Never again.

 

On repeat, over and over and over.

The only way I’ll find happiness

Is in the apocalypse

Where we are the last ones standing.

 

Then you’ll have to be with me.

 

Find someone who no one else will want.

Then all they’ll want is you.

 

And it is at these moments that I realize.

I’m exactly like him.

The abused become the abuser.

The vicious cycle begins.