Disquiet

Lonlieness is a curious little thing,
it infects our thoughts
takes ahold of me sometimes
It makes me feel like no one would care.
Like I'm alone in my thoughts
and that frightens me.
Because I scare myself.

I don't want to be alone.
I didn't want to be alone.
No one does.
But, somehow even with an abundance of friends
I don't feel close
Somehow my anxiety makes me cause the very problem I was worried over
How did I end up pushing everyone away
when I wanted them closer?

Panic spills into my mind.
Like a racing stream, the self-analyses flood.
Filling my thoughts.
Stuttering my heart.
I suffocate under the pressure.
Trying to claw myself to the surface, but
the waves keep crashing over and over.
How did I get here?

Sinking to the bottom of the puddle I created?
Should
I even struggle
to get back
up?
or
should i...
stop trying...

No.
I refuse to drown in this incessant worry.
I can get out of this.
I believe I can.
If I don't, then who else will?
I just have to try.
I can try.
No.
I will try.
I just have to reach out.
I know I can do it.
I refuse to do this to myself any longer.

This poem is about: 
Me

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