So I just did a spoken word poetry today during Sunday Service and guess what? It was bad, literally bad. Bad from the compostion to the articulation of thoughts to the actual voicing out of the words.
The truth I did prepare but I never knew what it meant to talk about a bunch of things that people do not underSTAND, while I stood. I'm in tears as I write this, I knew something was amiss. I was like 'Dear Lord, why did you not stop me from going ahead?' Everyone was disappointed, I mean, every single one, even married...... As to whether it was the wrong audience or my lack of preparation I do not know. All I know is that I wasted peoples' time whilst speaking. While speaking I was signalled to end my speech but I was so lost in delivering that I did not feel the pinch. As soon as I was done, I wanted the ground to swallow me. I received applause but I wished it was a plus. My feelings turned negative.that if there was room for improvement, it would probably be the dark room where negative pictures are developed. I could not face anybody, I felt so alone and cold. I remembered talking about this world being a cold one. I never knew it would hit me the same day I spoke about it..... I wanted to be alone, the encouragements were not enough to lift off the heavyweight of disappointment written all over me. Later today I was supposed to be at a love feast but I withheld myself like a clenched fist. Depression was looming large until I prayed 'Dear God, only you can convince me that I did not just make a mistake climbing that stage and at this age, I know it was a bad presentation. Please help me get over this and make me whole again'.... But even at this prayer, I still felt weak and un(WAR)thy, not strength to move onward.
I'm shaking my head as I write this piece. This was my first spoken word poetry done without looking at a book or a written piece. i'm still a beginner and God has given me peace. Not giving up now can only happen if God helps me but the way I feel right now, I might not stand in front of you to speak again....... Disappointed?