It reassures me

Yet it used to

Annoy me so much

Thinking about

My choices being made

Without me as a thought

But for some reason

It now becomes a medicine

I plead for it

I ask unceasingly

Tell me what to do

What I am

Tell me

What I should do

What I was 

Who I am

Betray the secrets 

Of this being

Who asks you

For your orders

Give her instructions

Give her a goal

Grant some her peace

A way to release

Because then

She'll know

What her purpose is

The meaning for her

Existence

Instead of pursuing

Dreams and useless wishes

That might have 

Never come true

She is roaming

She is searching

With sorrow

And determination

That wavers time to time

But returns with a strength

That surely

You could utilize

She no longer asks 

To be understood

It remains a wish

Deep in her heart

Buried for now

Because there are

More important things 

To think about

She knows what she's like

But who is she

And what will she be

The answer will be

Her very key

To unlock everything

That she's wanted to know

To become

To live

She ponders life

And its immeasurable sufferings

Its numerous mysteries

She doubts at times

Whether she's doing

What she's supposed to do

And the reason why

She hasn't become

A mere puppet

Is because she's looking

For a goal that feels right

Orders that make her

Feel loyal and inclined

To obey them

Without a thought

It's so hard to find

She's kept searching

And learning

More about the cruel world

And the true meaning

Of apathy and numbness

She's learned about sorrow

And suffering

True silent fear

She'll confess

That she's been naive

Thinking the world

Wasn't that bad

But now she can see

The bad and the good

And the good are so few

She wants to help

She wants it to increase

So she's begging now

To give her some sign

To bestow a wish

That doesn't feel wrong

That doesn't feel like

It's for someone else

She's asking for fate

Anyone to step in

To guide her

To show the way

Before her life

Is permanently

Set to dull gray.