Depression Haunts Me

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When will things be different….will I ever get back the innocence I’ve lost. Will I ever smile again and have the light that twinkled in my eye?? Every day is a struggle to go on and to push through all the demons that haunt me. I find myself trying to find a reason to fight but sometimes I can’t find one. And my depression consumes my every thought and move. I try my best to pretend to be okay and fake a smile. But it is so hard to pretend like things aren’t as bad as they really are. I wonder do people see behind my smile…do they see the hurt and the pain. Then I think to myself they couldn’t possibly to see. I’ve been pretending for so long that you could call me a pro. It isn’t possible for anyone to see my struggles. There are moments where my will to go on is stronger than my will to give up. Sometimes I can be happy but the smile never last long. I always lose it when I get alone and I’m left with nothing but the thoughts running through my mind. I want to be able to wake up and be happy but people like me have a hard time finding the joy in life. I’ve been on this earth for only 18 years and I’ve been through more than it would appear. Most people my age don’t have a care in the world but I am more realistic about life. I take on my parent’s struggles and make them my own. And that is my down fall; I care way too much. I wish I could just let go of all the things that haunt me; but I can’t seem to go on without the chip on my shoulder. I hope that one day I won’t be burden with this pain. I pray that I can be genuinely happy and satisfied with my life. I wish that the struggle wasn’t so damn hard, that I could be free and soar high in the sky above it all. And someday I will get better and live a life filled with smiles, laughter, and joy.

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If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741