"You'll always be my baby girl."

A joke I've been told too much.

Let me tell you why it's 'funny-'

Why it drives me completely nuts.

Since my first little hiccup,

From my first copper curl

You alway thought I'd be your blushing baby girl.

 

Let me give you this thought,

Get it into your mind,

That acting as that gender,

Puts my life on the line.

 

My mind isn't equivalent to my body,

Nor does my body equate my mind,

If one was to look deeper,

My true self one would find,

Locked in a closet,

Racing the clock,

Trying to make it out in time.

 

I'd run, 

And I'd hide

From my self

All of my life.

You still use my dead name,

And I'm stuck wondering why...

 

Are you deft?

Are you blind?

I've given you time 

Yet you fail to even try.

 

I hold back my tears,

I dry my glossy eyes,

But behind these emerald orbs,

I'm just like the other guys.

 

No... I don't have a deep voice-

And yes, I have thunder thighs!

But my body's a costume...

I'm a boy in disguise.

 

I've tried to ignore it,

Hoped it'd go away,

But the monster that is 

dysphoria comes back.

It just doesn't work that way.

 

I tried to cope, I tried to deal,

But the pain won't stop until you

Can know what's real.

 

My identity is real.

 

This is too difficult-

"NO MOM, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND"

"HOW IT FEELS TO LOOK LIKE A GIRL

WHEN I KNOW I'm a man..."

 

Money can't fix it.

You can't add me to your bill.

Therapy won't help me,

But your acceptance will.

 

You may need more time,

I'll give you as much as I can.

But I need you to understand 

That I am a man.

 

It's a lot of facts to take in,

Almost 101.

 

Sincerely,

Oliver.

~your panromantic demisexual son.