I pray to Him, I wonder if He even hears me.
Alarm set to wake me up at 5:00 A.M.
After I awaken, I play some tunes.
I like J. Cole, Kendrick, Tupac, Jay, Nas…
All empowering black artists to me.
After choosing the station that best fits my morning mood,
“Wake up Nicolas!” I wake my brother.
Then enter into the cold hallway to access my sisters’ warm room.
“Wake up Marion. Wake up Kelly” I say a bit gentler. Wake up – they do.
Then I begin preparing for my day.
From the oven baked room to the freezing hallway to the bathroom.
Once I arrive to my destination, I quickly turn on the heater.
I turn on the water. Wash my face. Brush my teeth. Brush my hair.
These trivial things seem to deliver me the most joy. Simple and easy.
From there begins a world of confusion.
After that simple routine, I become subdued, repressed, intimidated even… By life.
So, this letter is for life!
From an early age, I’ve always wondered what you were composed of.
In my younger ages, I would think you were a fantasy.
An experience anyone could live.
I thought you were just given to us
However, reality says different.
The journey towards finding you has been difficult. Worthwhile.
Life, you lie within religion for some.
You lie within the knowledge of knowing we actually exist, for others.
The journey has been long, as there are so many religions.
So many theories. So much life to be lived and explored.
As the overwhelming day continues
School for 5 hours, work for 4. Life forever, it seems.
Why do events happen to cause life to feel like it knocked off balance?
I get stressed and upset with you in this time.
You make me scared to attend college, scared to create my life
I laugh so hard ‘til the tears smoothen across the pores on my face.
Because of you, life…
I think, “I’m doing everything, yet accomplishing nothing.”
As I prepare to sleep,
I pray to Him wondering if he even hears me.
Wondering what to make of this abomination, life.