I’m writing to you because I fumble when I speak

My words always crumble and I tend to stumble

But it’s time now,

Face the music full frontal

No hiding behind the words

Putting my all into this burn

Because I need you to understand

That I loved you

And when you left my heart broke and my soul, it evacuated

I walked around for so long

Nothing more than a shell

It is hard to feel love when the first man failed to

Daddy you broke me

At nine you left and I still haven’t healed

Was the pastor’s daughter worth it?

Was she worth leaving your nine year old

And your eleven year old?

When you left mommy it was me and weenie that suffered

You moved on and you started another family

For four years you put us on the back burner and we weren’t your everything

And I needed to be your everything

I was only nine

Not old enough to understand 9th grade arithmetic

But old enough to comprehend the equation of Nicole + you in her bed at two in the morning wasn’t good math

You destroyed my trust in relationships

And you need to be held responsible

I was damaged

And you couldn’t even see it

I’m better now because of me

I made myself stronger

I made myself love again

And it was all in spite of you