Cold

A cold person.

Unfeeling, cold-blooded, dispassionate,

all synonyms.

To some these describe me,

all because of my calm and collected exterior.

Those people do not realize how wrong they are,

I might be inexpressive,

but not insensitive to what others feel or lack the ability to feel. 

I am inexpressive, but not without reason.

Being overly expressive isn't part of the deal;

Whether you are happy to the point of explosion,

or sad on the brink of desperation, "keep it to yourself."

Put up a front and hold on to it because without it you are exposed and vulnerable.

I keep myself Safe,

Safe from everyone and everything because they do not know what truly goes on in my head nor heart.

Create a controlled inexpressive facade that hides a turmoil of emotions.

My facade is my shield;

Something to rely on when I am close to losing the fight against the build up.

The fight is lost every once in a while,

then I fall apart alone.

Every bit of my pretense crumbles and who I really am is left.

That “I” is never seen;

that “I” remains under the surface where she is safe.

Safe from humiliation and pain because the front gives those who are ready to hurt me nothing with which to strike home.                                                                          

 I feel lots but simply keep it bottled up.

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