The City of Grief



Such tragic things have happened in my life since you passed, and it hurts because I needed you at all the hours of the night, and all the times I'd end up crying myself to sleep because you weren't a phone call or a text aways, so I'd always have to try and fix myself. 


Cause I've learned to do that now. I've learned that you've been gone for more than a year and I can't change that, no matter what I say. 


No matter how many outcomes I've put in my head about how you could have survived that freaking crash, and how many times I've told myself that I'll wake up from this horrible nightmare , but it's never happened yet. 


And I pray to god, that one day it does , because I miss you and I need you. 


You were my sunshine on the cloudiest day, the beauty after the storm, the stars  to my moon, the heat to my fire. 


But because  you're gone, the sun does not shine on my cloudy days. 

The sun has hidden itself behind the clouds afraid of what might happen if it comes out. 


The beauty after the storm does not exist. After the storm there is tragedy , there is pain and there is wreckage, and there is numbness. 


The fire has now burnt out, the embers have turned to ashes, and there's no heat. 


Just like you, there isn't a you.  


There are no stars in  the night, the city lights have taken that away from me too, there is only the moon. Not the stars and the moon. 


Not you and me. Just me. And that's how it feels. It's just me. No one is hearing my screams and cries.  No one is paying attention to me. No one. It's just me. Alone and in the city of grief. The city of Grief , it's filled with cloudy days, starless nights, storms that are filled with tragedy , and the wind makes the cold air sting against my cheek. 


So if this is what the City Of Grief feels like, please, come back to me soon. 

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