I close my eyes
Feel the wet grass beneath my splayed body
His hands all over my shrinking frame
Hoping if I fade away enough
I will be too small
And he will leave me be
So I lie there
A victim to a witness less crime
My eyes open and he's not there
And I'm not there
And moon has turned to the sun
And children laugh where i screamed
As if it never happened
As if some merciful deity had taken me away
Carrying on as if it was just another school day
As if the worst possible thing hadn't just happened
Wanting to scream wanting to cry
But all I had were those honest and merciful less lines staring back up at me
Weak knees giving out from beneath me
Pretending I give a shit about class systems
After learning the stories those lines told created
Our future unstable
But somehow a future accepted and named already
A future erased by a trickle of red from between my thighs
With that trickle you were gone
And with you I was gone too
I still close my eyes sometimes and see you
Give you the air from my lungs
And the beat from my heart
Hoping if I give you all of me, it'll be enough for you to be given back to me
For me to be able to hold you safely in my arms
But it never is
And I am left alone
A childless mother