Brittle Bones

Being skinny my whole life, I’ve gotten a lot of:

“How lucky are you.

You never gain any weight,

 You can eat anything you want.

You’re so lucky,

I wish I was you”

 

I am so lucky.

In fact, I’m lucky enough

That I don’t have to count calories when I eat,

I don’t have to constantly weigh myself.

 

I’m lucky enough to be curled up on the floor,

Hungry,

Because I haven’t eaten in two days.

Lucky enough to be able to see my collarbone

As it protrudes from my skin like sharp jagged rocks

Trying to break the shore’s surface.

 

Brittle bones won’t get you far.

They may look all nice tucked inside.

But as the night creeps in, as I lay on my bed;

This monster inside my stomach is growling at me

Constantly punching me in the gut telling me:

YOU NEED TO EAT.

 

But, I stubbornly refuse.

I don’t want to count my calories.

I want to be able to eat anything.

I have to be skinny.

 

They’ll definitely notice if I gain a pound.

I won’t let them see me.

I can’t let them see me.

I must be skinny.

I can’t gain weight.

I need to exercise.

 

Go away monster,

I’m busy.

I’m busy trying to please myself.

I won’t be happy as long as I have to count my calories.

 

Go away monster, I’m busy.

I don’t have time to eat.

Eating will only make things worse.

 

Go away monster,

I’m busy.

I’m busy trying to please others.

I can’t let them think that being skinny takes effort.

 

Go away monster,

I’m busy.

 

I say as my brittle bones are collapsing inwards,

about to blow away all that's left of me.

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