No, I won’t give you the satisfaction of calling it that-
This thing you did to me-
We did to each other-
This thing that made my heart race the the finish line
Of the Kentucky Derby-
This thing that we had,
It’s like one of those diseases that stays dormant in your system after it’s been cured.
Like nothing’s there anymore to make you sick,
But it still lingers.
Some days I forget all about it and life is normal no matter what,
But then there’s days where everything good about what we had and
Everything you did to fuck it up comes flooding back, and I just gotta remind myself that there’s nothing to be done because everything that ever was
I don't expect myself to be over you yet
Because two years of memories are pretty hard to forget on a dime
And the crimes you commited have been erased and forgotten
Like a child shaking an etch a sketch, empty and plain.
Feeling things is completely normal.
Suppressing those feelings is also completely normal.
Not wanting to feel-
Not wanting to remember-
Not wanting to believe that a good thing that isn’t anymore
Ever existed in the first place,
Because the hole in my heart digs a little deeper
Every time a stranger wears your smile-
That’s just human nature.
I just have to be happy without you.
In spite of you.
Because that’s the only cruel thing I could ever imagine
Myself having the guts to do to you.
Even though you did so much worse to me,
Of which I immediately forgave, because that’s what I thought love was.
I hope this one act of unkindness hits you
Like a wave of regret and loathing,
Drowning you in the sea I found you in.
Hope it was worth it.