Sometimes you have to reflect

Look back to the past

Take a trip down memory lane

Pop some Advil because there will be pain

Close your eyes and start

What's the first image that crosses your mind?

 

screams, shouts, the throwing of things

curse words were the choice words to fling

so I took a step outside

where the sky was wide

I played

blocking out the adult world and simply being a child

pretending to be a doctor

no a teacher

or an artist

because that's what childhood is

a place where anything is possible

a place where you can dream

 

Interesting, intriguing

Now let's dig a little deeper

Tell me, what else can you remember?

 

belts, paddles, combs

couldn't ask a simple question without getting burned

bruises, tears

couldn't open my mouth without being flooded with fear

eventually numbnes

had to force myself to cry or else the beating wouldn't stop

 

Ah, I see

Now we're getting somewhere

Here take a tissue

While I listen

 

well, I remember wanting to kiss her

though I was a she

when I let that thought slip my mind

I cried and prayed

and tried to hide it away

I wanted to be fixed

 

Are you saying what I think you're saying?

 

possibly

I don't know

will you keep this on the down low?

no one else knows

 

But of course

Let's move on

Do you have any memories of, say... happiness?

 

yeah, sure

I used to have a cat

and some goldfish, too

I had a bestfriend

and grandparents that were true

 

Well that's good

Please elaborate

Always focus on the positive

Gee, this was worth the wait

 

well, my cat ran away

I didn't like her that much

she scratched me anyways

the goldfish died as they always do

my best-friend moved

and my grandparents are gone on to the unknown

 

That's not happy

That's kind of sad

Maybe we should try again

And, please, focus on the positive instead

 

well....

I have a love for music that runs deep

and when I draw I feel peace

writing is a release

where it all flows and I'm finally free

 

That's good!

A form of therapy on its own

Alright now

Ready to dive back in?

 

sure

now, where to start

singing I loved

until they said I sounded like I was crying

playing instruments as well

until they put a stop to that

running was fun

until I got my team disqualified

the biggest disappointment of my life

eating was needed

but I couldn't find the strength

opened the refrigerator only to close it

it was empty anyways

I looked fat in my pants

or so I was told

the calories weren't worth it

car crashes, no job, hospital visits, fights with friends, getting lost, rumors spread

my memories of school

home school wasn't much better

think isolation

blood spilled in dark rooms

plans drawn

no hope left

all I needed was one swallow to quit

but I was a coward

so I found old habits

until someone ratted

but in all honesty, it's not that bad

sure, some days I feel glum

but there's nothing like a good friend

to help you through your times of struggle

I only hope I can return the favor...

 

... If there's one thing I've learned from our conversation

It's that you can't judge cereal from the box it comes in

You're a fighter through and through

Just looking at you, I would've never known

Promise you'll throw away that notebook of plans

Lock the cabinets, hide the guns

If you stay on this journey, you'll find success

When you discover yourself

You'll be the best

Friend a person can have

I can't promise happiness

Or an easy path

But when lightening strikes

When rain falls

Look to me

I'll answer your call.