It is knowing you did everything
with what you had while still questioning
what more you could've done,
why you didn't try more,
how you could've done better,
when exactly you said or did the wrong thing.
It's allowing yourself to trust or try too hard
with the right people
because you want to appear normal,
yet you prepare yourself for every outcome
driving yourself mad with the thought
of every word someone will (or will not) say to you.
It's finding solitude
in sleeping for days without resting,
knowing you're always asking the incorrect questions,
worrying about the improper things,
wondering if you've ever been in the right
for yourself or anyone around you.
Then realizing that you push the right people out
after inviting them into your life
only to start over
even more alone and lost than before
and pittying the next person you let in.