It is knowing you did everything

with what you had while still questioning

what more you could've done,

why you didn't try more,

how you could've done better,

when exactly you said or did the wrong thing.

 

It's allowing yourself to trust or try too hard

     with the right people

because you want to appear normal,

yet you prepare yourself for every outcome

driving yourself mad with the thought

of every word someone will (or will not) say to you.

 

It's finding solitude

in sleeping for days without resting,

knowing you're always asking the incorrect questions,

worrying about the improper things,

wondering if you've ever been in the right

     for yourself or anyone around you.

 

Then realizing that you push the right people out

after inviting them into your life

only to start over

even more alone and lost than before

and pittying the next person you let in.