I realized
when I start
to feel depressed I say
I don’t feel so good

I don’t feel good
I am
broken wrong crooked

and I can’t possibly be good
when everything in me
is bad bad bad
and everything you say
cuts deeper than it should
and everything I see
turns into an enemy or a weapon

the world is bad because I am bad
being the opposite of good
I am everything I should not be
fundamentally flawed
corrupted
and I often think
irreparably so

I’m so tired of
feeling bad
being bad

I want to breathe without this
dagger in my chest
without the little shudders and chills

I want to be happy without guilt
strong without support
good without pills