a breath: in, out

again, faster

faster still, until they stop coming

release

 

a noise in my head

it rushes

like a tide, pulled by the moon

like blood, pumping through my veins

loud, chaotic

that drives my anxiety

 

and i can't breathe

 

the frantic thrum of thoughts

of the future, not knowing

what could come next

the invisible pressure

that pushes down, down

on me, inside me

it's crushing

 

and i can't breathe

 

this isn't living

not like this

trapped by the world around me

that sparks anxiety

trapped by my mind and the self-induced pressures

i'm terrified

of what the future holds

 

and i can't breathe

 

and you hear on the news,

the things that keep coming

and to think, 2016 was supposed to be a good year

then: orlando

then: trump

and god, what is happening around us

in the middle east  

in our own backyards

and knowing that it's going to get worse before it gets better

how could it get worse than this

 

and i can't breathe

 

high school, last year

the knowledge that this is it

and the realization that this is it

college applications that put every senior in a frenzy

four ap classes that take up everything of me

motivation, energy

and i'm left drained and stressed

but not hopeless

this could be worth it

the anxiety, working myself to the breaking point

for a future i can't see

it's not as bleak as it could be

 

a breath: in, out

again, slower

slower still, until i can breathe

release