shall I be gone, then, in your eyes?
Living once will never be enough.
the world is wide and bright
bold colors and shapes
spices, animals, the smell and taste of snow
Laundry flapping on clotheslines,
struggling to break free
Our entire lives, you’ve wanted nothing
but to flee from us
free from us.
Gray, colorless world
Dark, hiding beneath blankets, long after midnight.
why must Us be collective?
You see abuse where I see helpless love
A lifetime of things stolen from you
One shove in a moment of lost temper
you remember the bad, forget the good, pour out hate upon hate. what have we done wrong?
how were we supposed to love you?
yellow petals, trees
what is the world?
an entire world and no one to give it to
is anything real but Me?
the world is gone if it cannot be shared with another.
We are Young, now.
in years, Mother will be gone, and Father too
long after you come of age.
already you are old enough to leave.
Anna and Elsa-
we will only have each other-
won’t I need you?
Born into a family with a four-year-old girl,
I was promised a sister at birth.
This isn’t fair to ME.
claw free from a gray cocoon
spread mottled orange wings
pump once, twice
fear pinning you to the branch
gravity is just too strong.
tumble through the air-
wind, rocks, sand.
why can’t I escape?
London is a lifetime away
how can I cross the ocean to find you if I have no wings?
surely this is part of your plan.
Ducking behind the labyrinth’s low walls
tan, weathered rocks, stacked.
A labyrinth is a spiritual place.
lose yourself, find yourself-
You seek Only to lose
I would love to have loved you
but how can I love a stranger?
visions of two girls
running through meadows, tumbling and laughing, playing together
memories of hiding, crying in my room, listening to arguments, tearing Us apart.
be part of Us?
I am not Mother, not Father
I have never offended you, never hurt
never tried to control, never tried to connect
gold thread glimmers under a golden lamp
woven through the rug beneath my feet
I will never have you
Fear brings tears behind your eyes, whitens your face, clenches your muscles.
you cannot move.
How am i supposed to love you?
i am too afraid to move.
tongue soft and dry, all the way back into my throat.
i haven’t had a sip in days.
feels like weeks.
Memories of childhood
How can I drown out the vicious words?
Shut the door
I might as well be beside you
Music flowing through my earbuds and into my heart
Never drowning out your anger a floor below
I can feel my mother’s pain,
but you can’t.
You only want to hurt her.
how can I possibly love you? You?
if I open myself up to you, I know you’ll stab me in the heart.
As you walk on by…
a college in London
Prestigious, highly selective- yet they selected you.
go on, then.
go to London
and never intend to come back.
Who are you but a girl who hates her family?
a tumbleweed, a rolling stone, a gypsy, an explorer
a wayfarer, a ranger, a roamer.
You’ve left me in a rowboat out at sea.
As you walk on by…
La la la la.
Will you call my name?
humid wind blowing back my hair
feeling that it’s about to rain
Why can’t you understand?
We will only ever have one chance!
a blue butterfly perched on a card of swirling white and green
birthday wishes scribbled out in pen
too much honesty
This is it.
i hesitate. i know
you don’t want to hear my words.
you don’t want my love.
days later, i shred the card, unread.
You’ve lost me.
La la la la…
I’ll give up on you.
i don’t come downstairs to say goodbye
as you get into your roommate’s car
Or will you walk on by…
I’ll let you go away.
You don’t want to be found
so I’ll never try to find you.
We were only ever sisters out of birth.
childhood memories of being alone
melting a plastic straw over the flames on our menorah
La la la la...
who gives a shit about family anyway?
come on and call my name…
La, la, la…
the song warbles and deepens,
the melody derails, skidding to the side, dragging to a stop.
and now my room is silent.
From your younger sister.
My name has never seemed right to my own ears,
and too many times, I've heard it from your lips
spoken in tones of envy or hatred.
I really don't have everything.
please forget about me-
build your own life, a family.
you can have a future, even if you don't want this past,
the past with us in it,
and I'd be happier
knowing you were really, finally, gone
so I could let you go.