Collateral Damage, Part 2

Maybe you think I can take it

But that’s just ‘cause you’ve never seen me break yet

In fact, all you’ve ever seen me do is fake it

You think that I’m okay but you’re mistaken, chasin’

Solutions that will only serve to make things worse

Decisions that will only beget worlds of hurt

A bandaid for your problems that’ll never work

‘Cause infections surge when they’re poorly nursed

I, I’ve been pretending long enough

Paintin’ shiny coats over years of rust

Doin’ all I can not to stir things up

Leavin’ problems where they are, mark ‘em down as done

But I, see the error in my ways

Not sure how to fix it but something’s gotta change

Need to be transparent, problem is, I’m afraid

That I’ll just be feeding into it no matter what I say

Feelin’ like I’m caught in the middle

Of a war that on the surface seems civil

But the tension’s heating up and everything is brittle

Only thing that’s gonna help is double-side acquittal

Quit your quibble, I feel crippled

Trapped and helpless, in a pickle

Tryna live an endless riddle

With no answer, no remittal

Help, I, need relief

Someone come soon, come rescue me

‘Cause this quicksand pool is gettin’ deep

And every time I think I’ve found reprieve

It turns out to be, just another wave in an endless sea

Just a false sense of security

A mirage I keep, ‘cause I wanna believe

That it’s real, but it’s all just a fantasy

It’s a masterpiece, fake smiles fake laughs cover pain so deep

‘Cause none of us have ever learned to disagree

Healthily, how can we

Fix the problems that we have when they’re all buried

Yeah, it’s easier pretendin’ not to notice

It’s easier to hide all my emotions

Paste on a face and switch my focus

To something that won’t make me think I’m chokin’

I’m not jokin’, I’m just hopin’

Someday we can fix whatever’s broken

Someday we can talk with hearts wide open

Speak the truth without explosions

Maybe you think I can take it

But that’s just ‘cause you’ve never seen me break yet

All you’ve ever seen me do is fake it

And if you think I’m okay, well, you’re mistaken

This poem is about:

Me

My family

Comments

OfficialKelseyGallant

4 days ago

I wrote this rap song in 2020 about a situation that was going on with my family back then. I'm grateful to be able to report that that situation is no longer happening. However, there's now another situation that feels similar, so that's why I decided to post it. (And it's called "Collateral Damage Part 2" because in 2017 I wrote a song called "Collateral Damage." That song is not available anywhere yet.)

I've always hidden my emotions from others, afraid to create "collateral damage" in them. I feel like I've been the collateral damage of other people's problems far too many times, and I don't want to do that to others. However, I've learned that it is important to share your feelings with someone. Holding it all inside does NOT help; it just makes things worse because you have no outlet.

I'm grateful now to have some very close friends who I can talk to about how I'm feeling and what I'm going through. I recognize that not everybody has that. If you don't feel like you have anyone in your life who you can talk to about your emotions and the problems you're facing, I encourage you to find a therapist or some kind of outreach group. Some churches and community centers offer free counseling to people in certain situations.

Most importantly, you can always reach out to God. He is always there, holding you through the worst of the worst. He doesn't always take our problems away immediately. He knows the outcome. Maybe going through these bad things is the only way we can get to the beautiful future he has planned for us. I'll tell you this--He absolutely stepped in and turned around the situation I had originally written this piece about. It took some time, but it was so worth it. Trust Him. Cry out to Him. He is there for you.