My mind never seems to be calm

I feel as if my mind is always on fight or flight mode

as if there is never a second of peace 

the truama held within is purly sad

most people see me and they see how happy i appear 

they never hear the screaming that happens when the door closes

for those people who tried and when let in

I never seemed to learn

that once you allow someone inside they will see the pain the sadness 

the truama held within they will see the rooms that you keep closed 

fear will rush through your veins as if  it was your first time going down a slide 

the fear you felt when that one person said "trust me"

The emotions will be unexplainable 

But I never learned that once they are let in they also now hold those secrets

even when they leave they will hold them

they see you as the person who is broken

the scarest part of this all is if they chose to stay or leave

fear will always rush through your veins when someone is inside 

cause we never know if they will leave or stay

yet we still allow it to happen over and over again

knowing the fear will come back and each time a person leaves

they leave you with sadness and broken trust taking parts of you with them

but we never learn.