Dear Those Who Think My Life is Perfect,

I go to sleep at night with one thing on my mind,

what if I'm not good enough?

What if I wake up tomorrow,

and no one likes me anymore?

What if I wear the wrong outfit,

or my makeup doesn't look right?

Will people still look at me the same,

or will they laugh and point?

I wonder if people can see through my fake smiles,

or if they truely believe I am happy all the time.

They tell me I have it easy,

and that they wish their life was like mine.

But, they don't hear the thoughts in my head.

They don't hear me overthinking every single thing that I say or do.

They don't hear the voices telling me I'm not good enough, 

or no one will ever love you. 

They're not there when my mother is yelling at me,

asking me why I stopped eating.

They're not there when she's crying, 

saying she can feel my ribs.

They can't hear me thinking that she's wrong,

because I can still feel the fat on my stomach. 

They just think that because I am nice and put a smile on my face,

that my life is picture perfect.

They don't know the work I put in to be this way, 

they just assume it comes naturally.

If for one day, 

they could live inside my head when I'm falling asleep,

then they would realize that I'm just like them.

I have insecurities, I don't have it as easy as they percieve.

I overthink,and most importantly,

I obsess over this unreachable goal of perfection. 

Sincerly,

Monica