I haven’t forgiven you

I don’t think you understand

The great weight you put on my sternum

And on my head when I feel my soul start slipping

 

I’ve wasted years trying to control you

My little Apollyon

The thing that will ruin me

But I’ve learned it is you who hold the reigns

 

You are a dog

You’re happiest when the weather is warm

And I can take you on walks

And the air is free to breathe

 

But you bite and snap when winter comes

Your teeth rival the teeth of the cold

The polluted sky is as choking as when your jaws clamp down on my throat

Yet this shows exactly where I get it from

 

You lick at my palms

Your wet nose grazes my thighs

And the weight of your paw on my chest reminds me

Of all the things I wish I could feel

 

Anger doesn’t come to me the way it lives in you

But I think you are the smarter one

You have your fury to fill yourself

And I am as empty as my threats

 

Last year your claws left me more scars than I want to count

This year you bit away my arms and legs

When you sniff my neck I can tell you want to eat my only freedom

But you won’t take my voice away

 

I hope you know that the way I am stuck with you

You are stuck with me

You won’t win - won’t ever be forgiven

You are a dog and I am your owner