Deprived of the purification
my body and soul aches

my spirit dies a little

my heart cries a bit
and i remain physically intact

bound to behave and portray normality
for its a crime to shed emotion

and its always my fault

by unknown and unexplained reasons
my mind is tired and weary

on the brink of giving in to all the things
things that scratch at the walls of my mind

horrible things such wicked things

I've lost the battles but I try so hard
I realize I haven't lost the war

the horrible things twisting and pulling at me
grinding and lusting at me

wanting me to seize and destroy myself
I have before so why is this warfare much more elevated?

to find my peace is to find myself laying on the floors
and ceilings and dragged upon the walls of my mind

it is maddening torture

I admit I do indeed need some spiritual help
but I am so weary of not being able to do it

my will is my will and so mote it be

but nothing can stop this forlorn feeling
it kills, it drains, it steals, it hates me...

my mind is my very own prison at the worst of times
and it is my mind whom tortures me alongside myself...

I am my greatest enemy and yet I can't find a reason to hate it

I ask the divine ones above to grant me back my will,
the will to do as I wish in return for my eternal servitude...

Forever.. my mind is my friend is mine enemy...