I've been broken and battered

Shaken and shattered

I've been waiting for patience

By God…

I wish life was more gracious

 

I had lost my way and couldn't see the light

I went every day with barely contained terror

I thought I would lose myself because I couldn’t be right

Why couldn't I regress to before my error?

 

Of course it would be progress if I managed

People turn back all the time

In my case, could it ever be easy?

It's hard to be human

When your thoughts are always in ruin

 

One night, seven years in the making

He shattered me with a thrust

Continued even though he knew my mind was shaking

I gave myself because of love, because of trust

 

 

 

 

 

That boy who I thought was my world

made me betray my soul

I always thought I wasn’t that type of girl

Now I’m lost in a sea of what won’t ever be whole

 

 

Peace has always eluded me

 

But

 

Now I seem to have found something new

Something to eliminate my feelings of being secluded

Something awakened by you

 

 

You helped me find love when I thought it forever beyond my grasp

It was love in you that made me find someone to love at last

Your Spirit enveloped my broken soul

Made me forget what my ponderous mind caused

 

The darkness began to leave me

Somehow my abyss began to spark

Roasted and torched

To a radiant blaze

My barriers began to fall

In a tumultuous breaking of scars

O God

How you have saved me

I was drowning in my own words

I should have known you were my air

I wouldn't let myself breath

Undeserving

 

It's what I kept hearing

I thought it was from others

But really

It was just the dark wisps swirling

Unchecked and bothered

In my brain

Whispers of Undeserving

 

 

We're the hardest on ourselves

We remember our sins

But not the sacrifice to remove them

Embrace our change and don’t put it on a shelf

Accept His forgiveness again

Let Him back in

Undeserving

 

This word we keep hearing

The one I tell myself repeatedly

What does it really mean?

Who decides this judgement so rapidly?

Undeserving

 

 

 

 

 

No one knows us completely

But our hearts are known by one

He has named us the worthy

He sent His son

If we want it

We are deserving

 

For with desire comes action

We will change without knowing

Change without cries of shame

Renewal takes time

So don't be afraid

And let someone else

Decide our "unforgivable crimes"

 

Forgiveness is a two way street

We must accept what we're given

To ever be able to start living

 

Listen!

 

We'll hear it

It will silence our gasps for air

Silence our silent screams of despair

                                                                                              You are deserving

 

 

 

As I fall to the floor grasping at my skin

Begging that the memory will be no more

I let Him in

To become the deserving

 

The pain vacates

My lungs finally let go what they're holding in

It becomes the past

But

Not the forgotten

 

We must remember this agony

A reminder

What we fought

What we vanquished within

Then help others to be whole again

 

We are the deserving.