Blood, drugs, tears, alcohol all mingled on my skin as I prayed to you 

Long nights all alone and crying,

praying for some relief to wash over me 

only finding myself running closer to my self made finish line

I asked for help so many times and

wondered where you were when I needed you most

Losing hope, 

I caved

Caved into my own self hatred and self loathing and ran so fast away from you

I think I lost anyway back to you. 

And I'm just afraid

Afraid to make my way back to you 

If you weren't there when I needed you most, how will you even be there for me now?