For Leelah
Location
You buy your baby
Blue onesies, racecars, and little footballs
When your baby’s hair gets to his shoulders
You cut it short
And say how handsome he looks
You love your baby boy
You send your little boy off to kindergarten
In a shirt that says “Ladies’ Man”
He flashes you a jack-o-lantern smile
And looks up at you with hopeful doe eyes
As your little boy
Asks if he can have a Barbie doll
And wear a pretty dress
“Like the other little girls”
You pat your little boy’s head
And tell him “no”
And yell when he cries crocodile tears
You love your baby boy
You send your sixteen-year-old son
To a local Christian therapist
You say your son has sinned
He likes boys and dresses and long hair
And says his name is Leelah
You just want him to be “normal”
To be your baby, Joshua
So God can love him like
You love your baby boy
Today you tell yourself
Your son got hit by a truck
“Accidentally”
You cried as you picked out a suit
And deleted the suicide note
You showed her
You’d rather bury your baby boy
Than love your baby girl