Yellow
I heard all about Parker
Parker and Veronica
Parker and Veronica and manipulation
Parker and Veronica and manipulation and cannabis
All of it over and over
Through drooping eyelids
And harsh sandpaper laughter
Until it all came hacking away at my shoulder
In the dead of night
When I should have been asleep
I painted this poem
Watercolor on bedsheet
Over and over again
In the dead of night
When I should have been asleep
All I could see was everything
That wasn’t there
All I could see was everywhere
I couldn’t be
Blind only to what
Was right beside me
All along
You were right beside me
All along
You who held my chin up
As I began to drown
You with strength enough to drag
Me from the quagmire
You who brought me back
To me
You who never gave
Me up
Never left
My side
You
The antidote
I had pretended to ignore
I had wanted to ignore
For fear
For fear for terror
For terror for desperation
Should you ever slip away
It is impossible to lose
Something you never had
Impossible to miss
Something you never knew was there
Or so I thought
I was wrong
Eventually eventually everyone leaves
(I thought / I knew)
One by one they all
Stop writing back
Stop answering
Get bored
Don’t they? (I thought / I knew)
But you are the quantum mechanics
To my physics
You have broken all the rules
And now I must reevaluate
My hypothesis
Somewhere
I heard that true love
Means “giving someone the power to hurt you and trusting that they won’t”
Or something like that
Pure trust
Pure faith
The closest I have ever come to religion
But I trust you
I do not fear you
As they say one should fear
The wrath of God
But I trust you
You are not almighty
Not perfect
All-knowing
Incapable of fault
But I trust you
You are not the judge
Of immortality
But I trust you
What use are all
Those poetic devices when all
There is to say is nothing
But I trust you?
I see you smile again
For the first time
I know you despise the color yellow
I know I am a terrible sap
But I see you smile again
For the first time
And at long last I see the sun