When will I ever fit in?
I don’t want to look ugly.
Makeup will cover up my atrocious acne and protruding pimples.
I can’t smell too sweaty.
I have to smell good, or else no one will be my friend.
I can’t be fat or eat too much.
All the cool kids are skinny.
I have to have a boy crush
Otherwise, they’ll be nothing else to talk about.
I have to be sociable
Everyone likes an outgoing person who has many friends.
I have to be trendy
The clothes I wear have to be the same as everyone else’s.
I have to be popular.
But it’s so hard to make friends.
Its so hard to constantly fit in.
Everyone says I have cakey makeup,
and that I smell like too much perfume,
that I’m anorexic,
that I’m a lesbian,
that I’m fake,
that the clothes I wear are too basic.
I’m trying my hardest.
I need friends.
I need validation.
I want to fit in.
I have to fit in.
“Mom, I’m borrowing your mascara”
“Mom, can you buy me some stronger perfumes?”
“Mom, I don’t feel like eating dinner tonight”
“Mom, can I go to this dance?”
“Mom, can I hang out with my- friends this weekend?”
“Mom, can you get me some new clothes?”
“Mom, I want to move schools.”
“If you want to fit in, you have to try.”
I have tried.
I am trying.
I have been trying my entire life.
When will I ever fit in?