Nana,

Does it snow where you are now?

Or are you always greeted warmly by the sun?

You probably still mold tin cans into toys on the porch.

You always made things work, somehow.

You must be floating around the universe
Or perhaps you're laying still, arms folded...stiff.
I’m not sure which is worse.

 

You should know, we made it to America.

Pa waits in lines to find a job- dog after a bone,

Said we walked the streets at night  because the Devil didn’t want us to have a home

Mama says to learn in school and God will take care of the rest

But I know he already thinks I’m dead since I spent the night where you laid

After all, he knows best.

 

Now when mama asks how I’m doing, I smile.

Just like you always did,

Though it isn’t worthwhile...

Tears weigh down my eyelids.

 

Nana, my mouth will not bear the guilt,

I will not tell her that I no longer want the life she beared herself open to give me-

I will not let my teeth rip through everything she has built.

So I smile...

And so I lie

 

How do I explain to her ..

To you..

To me..

That ever since you died...ever since we left home, I have tried..

But all I can think- and this is true

Is molding tin cans into toys

Or perhaps laying still, arms folded...stiff... with you.