A Sentence with a Feeling
19th Year:
The house was shaking with anger until a second later when all was calm and I was gone. With his teary eyes, he told me he was dying. As I closed my eyes, the stars aligned. At the surface it may seem like nothing, but deep down it’s a longing desire. We danced and sang ourselves into a friendship. Back and forth back and forth with no feelings. The feeling of abandonment makes a lonely meal. Sometimes feelings are fake, and people are fake. The sweet smell of you. I long to feel that wind on my face and that blur in my peripheral. Sunday brunch is that family I have always wanted. I feel at peace when I hear those sweet sounds. Proud Bonnarovian. I never should have worn that blue dress with you. The laughter and the food. My future was so close to being set in stone. Friendships change, but then again so do people. Burning rubber at night.
18th year:
Collapsing with exhaustion. I thought I made gourmet chicken, but it seemed to poison the other person. The ice took control and played its course. The fire blazing against my stone-cold cheeks. The best night with the worst ending. All types of foreigners but only one who was actually foreign. The long road traveled in a mini van. There’s always a little hope when I see that silver. Not only a dog died that day. The sound of the beat was all I needed to put a smile on my face. The green grass calls my name. The pool full of mistakes drowned me. The taxi arrived at the right place with the right people. It comfortable and lovely. Never knew a text could do so much. It was two lives, two great lives. The effort put in to something is something you can never get back, I learned that from my mother.
17th year:
I’ve always wondered what it would be like out west. The bumpy, unpaved path soon turned into a newly paved road. He was something totally different from me. I still saw that faint glimmer in your eyes until that everlasting sun went down. You come and you go like a season, but I wish you would just stay away. You’ve been relying on that old man, honey. That little white thing gave me my freedom. There are speed bumps for a reason, don’t over look them. Just another flower in the garden, nothing special. That little apartment had so many hidden secret. That night you were just another star in the sky. Never give a cat too much katnip, they might actually start to like you. What is a family without problems. Never be close minded to the endless opportunities in life. The color pink turned into brown way too quick. That unconditional love is changing.
16th year:
She would go to the end of the world and back to give me a hug. I wanted to succeed so badly I started to scare myself. Another year goes by trying to ignore that faint memory. And I sat on the beach looking into the darkness as I heard him speak to me. You never truly know when somebody is coming from a genuine place. When walked up and threw it in the trash with out any second thought, I threw away a part of me. I was afraid with what that part of me may become. I should have turned around and found that bike. That little farm on the hill was all I needed. I worked hard because it was a live style and a love of mine. I was loved so much that I almost couldn’t feel it at all. Tallie was a sister. The little room with the “don’t tread on me poster” made me feel smart. I didn’t quiet feel at place in that oddly beautiful building. It was a new life, but was it bad?
15th year:
There sat my home, the same exact place as how I left it, but I didn’t want to go in. The cold breeze in the morning. Tacos aren’t so bad with people I didn’t know. My dirt covered face was evident of my hard work. I wanted to walk along that sand pathway for an eternity. Why couldn’t I be the one that they wanted? There seemed to be a glass door standing in my way. At the time I had no idea what type of life I was living and who I was living with. Wall Street meant nothing to me. I loved that Vermont valley and everything in it. It was a scene out of animal house. He went from my only friend to not a friend at all in a blink of an eye. Shaun Cassidy wasn’t just a singer to me. I closed my eyes, pushed down the throttle, and saw nothing but eyes flying by. The fog that covered the bottom of the valley.
14th year:
A little girl always dreams of her best friend becoming her sister, but there’s no fairytale ending in the reality of that. They treated me like I was Cinderella when we were alone. All they wanted from me was the blue ribbons. I knew the best and trained with the best, but I still wasn’t considered one of the best. No matter how much I wanted to have a normal life, I didn’t. It seemed like those months of sweat and tears resulted in one second in the spotlight. It didn’t matter how many times I won, I still got back to school and felt like the loser. I was oblivious to what I was turning myself into. Anybody could see that they wanted to replace me, so they did. I followed in their footsteps and stole the Girl Scout cookies. No matter how hard I tried, they all seemed to be curt. Our plantation home wasn’t complete without a ghost and Mema. She simply had a heart attack.
13th year:
After a long trip, I open my locker to find a little teddy bear with a note. There was barn attire and school attire, I didn’t notice the difference. He walked down the hall with this aura of coolness and all eyes followed, it was my brother. January rolled around and I packed my suitcase to go south. The fresh, brisk smell of sulfur. I knew two people, two sketchy people. I was just another cloud in the sky. But then I got there and I was a superstar. How could one even compare the Jonas Brothers to Led Zeppelin? Watching my love disappear all do to my hard work was not rewarding at all. They only thing I could afford was a simple hot dog. Time evaporated just like those little spots the rump of a grey pony.
12th year:
I was that awkward puzzle piece that had no place. She was my number one fan, but I never quite knew if she had an alternative motive. That far, indescribable place. Huevos rancheros. He wasn’t my dad, he wasn’t my step dad, he was Canadian, and he loved us. Nothing was better than the back seat, a broken window, and a Hawaiian sweet role. He was McDreamy and he was my own. Go baby go. Butterworth syrup became was sticky, but oh so sweet. It was corrupt and unconventional, but I loved every minute of it. I didn’t mind making sandwiches in the camper.
11th year:
I felt their eyes holding the back of my head as I walked into the same third grade classroom as the year before. Never ever play kick ball in clogs, you won’t be successful. I tried to explore my passions, but I only had one. Walking down those halls only made me feel out of place. Acres upon acres of an empty mind. Mucho loco en la cabeza. It was his Christmas, but it wasn’t a happy time, only evidence that he didn’t know us. She wasn’t just a worker, she was family. The stale, cold scent creeps up my nostrils and down my spine. The door was shut and locked.
10th year:
Rice crispy treats and yoga made me feel like a woman. She was dedicated and well paid. We both had the same opportunities, he just rose above. I questioned why he was wearing a hat but had no hair. I never was upset with the world, only myself. Without him I wouldn’t be here, but he never crossed my mind. Florida peaches. The weepy willows provided me with shade and serenity. I was like a little goose migrating south again.
9th year:
All I remember is Judy and that dumb pony. Were my priorities screwed up? They didn’t understand it. My broken arm led to embarrassment and failure. As my mother cried with her bloody knew, the police came and got him. Watching a good life go directly down the drain. My brand new socks. As the black truck rolled up the sun went down,
8th year
Komodo dragons are nothing to mess with. The unspoken truth about the challenged reading circle. I walked by Michael Jordan and smiled. Harrisburg is cold and unfriendly. He was a version of jaws on land. Then there was Florida Pat. Blue and gold.
7th year:
The little mice burrow in the field. They couldn’t help me anymore. Best of wishes to nobody. Secrets are only fun if you tell everyone. The left side of the hall. She was the real cake boss.
6th year:
Zoolander meets America. What could I do to earn that bunny. Painting and food. My little golden bear. Her culture was different from mine and I loved it.
5th year
Five floors of mystery and ghost. I felt content sleeping to my long, lost sister. Never go outside naked when it is snowing. Rocky was mine.
4th year
That pony put me right into the ground. There once lived a family on Millers Lane. I built a palace with bubbles.
3rd year
Wedding bells. Pink and cozy
2nd year
Family.