the real us
If you really knew me
you’d know i can’t pass by a mirror
without pulling up my shirt, to stare at
last night’s gallon of ice-cream
box of cereal
and bag of cookies.
you’d know i have no energy
just cuts on my hips.
10 extra pounds.
and shame disguised by bags under my eyes.
if you really knew me
you’d know I wake up for school
-my first thought-
“breakfast?”
“no. you binged last night.”
“you binge every night.”
i walk into the bathroom. look at my stomach. get in the shower.
drive to school, let everything begin again.
i become THAT girl. The one everyone knows for
her smile, her laugh
her smarts, her advice
go to those meetings and speak, miss president.
stand at the podium
be sure no one sees
your bruised ego, your shame…
the fresh cuts.
your self inflicted reminders
that soon, you may
sink under the covers of the bed you’ve made.
go home and lie in your bed of self-hate
and crumbs.
you’re crumbling.
soon, you will have to crack-
crack the mirror that controls your life
and pick up the pieces of broken glass.
you will not break any more.
if you really knew me
would you help me
sweep up the shards,
throw out the empty boxes,
change the sheets?
would you sing me a lullaby
to bring me to slumber?
sing away the stomachaches?
help me dream of sweet things,
rather than the nightmare of my life?
Would you?
maybe you would,
but maybe, i don’t really know you.
the real you
with your own restless nights.
let’s get to know each other.