To this day

I remember how shocked I was

hearing the nurses words sadly and calmly saying

“he is no longer with us”.

A nice nurse said those words but through my eyes I did not see

a nice nurse.

I saw a wicked witch staring down at me

Shouting lies that shattered my heart

lies that I could never believe

even if these lies could be just lies

Why did they hurt as if they were knives?

if only I told the Nurse how much it hurt

Tears poured down my cheeks faster than waterfall

knowing that I could never face fall

the season when he lost his soul.

 

To this day.

I can not stand in front of a coffin

so blankly blinded with lies that I kept

making to make myself understand

not face the truth but instead sooth myself with the untruth.

Little did I know the truth would poor down on me

burning all the lies that I told myself in agony.

 

To this day

 

I hate death ceremonies.

Even the phonie little kitties

know that a death ceremony is not

a happy little pony but a very teary death ceremony.

 

To this day

If i see a coffin I remember the day he died

earthquakes and ground brakes

start with in my stitched up heart

flashbacks

memories

misory

with no melody

leave me paralyzed.

 

To this day I frown

dusk till dawn I drown

“It’s fine”

is my key lie now.