Possession of dualistic spirit.
A split of who you were before, and after.
Before, smiles crept across your face
Simply for the fact that there did not have to be a “good enough” reason
For a genuine grin.
Before, positivity, motivation, and optimism were the
Automatic thoughts that swelled up in your mind.
Questions still kept you awake at night
As you lay pondering life’s “what if’s?”
But you were still able to wake up the next morning well rested.
Dichotomous.
Before versus after.
Now, your automatic thoughts are scenarios
Of angst and your smile must be triggered
By somebody or something else that
Made you, for a moment or a while, forget your pain.
But the automatic thoughts return
Without your conscious permission.
And you’re tired
Both physiologically and emotionally.
Those troubling thoughts that used to pass through
Before you lay your head down at night are
Now clouding your mind in both daylight and moonlight.
And you’re fed up.
You want to mend your broken spirit.
And you know
That your true self is caught somewhere
Inside and you are not sure why its
Revival hasn’t flooded out your broken self.
But it hasn’t.
So you help it.
When you feel your broken spirit sending negativity
To your mind and consequently your body becomes lethargic in response,
You stop its expansion.
And you change your thoughts.
Sometimes it’s authentic.
You feel like you’ve held the hand with your true self
And have reminded it that it’s bigger
Than whatever cage it feels like it’s locked in.
You feel like you’ve successfully overcame your broken spirit
As you try to guide your true spirit back into existence
And sometimes, for a moment or for a while, it works.
And you feel relieved.
And your smile is genuine.
And your laughter is hearty.
And you’re happy.
But, only too often,
Without your conscious permission,
Those broken automatic thoughts return.
And your true self shrinks down into its ball.
And the golden glow in its heart dwindles down
To a cinder and your broken spirit
Makes you feel small.
But that spark that is now a cinder,
And the memory of who you really are,
And the genuine good feeling you love
When your true self is titillated,
Keeps you fighting for your true spirit.
Because it still exists even when you’re succumbed by the broken spirit.
And that fact alone, should always give you more than enough
faith to believe that your true self is stronger than it seems.