Everyday you tell me

to hide my emotions

because sensitivity is a weakness to be exploited.

When I go shopping

you tell me to buy clothes that show off more skin

because fitting in with the other girls

are more important than how uncomfortable I feel in these clothes.

You tell me

being well liked can get you further in life

than being smart,

because my GPA is not good enough,

never good enough for you,

because you believe I can accomplish neither intelligence nor acceptance

Acting as if my ideas and self worth

matter less than the acceptance of others.

You ask me everyday

if anyone wants to date me,

as though I am worthless without some boy's recognition.

You tell me

to only be friends with Asians

who will never drink or do drugs,

who are always smart,

and who act like you.

You ask me why I never bring friends home.

I have no friends to invite

because I listen.

I listen to everything you say,

every single day of my life and take it heart,

even though it never works

because I have been practicing for you since I was born.

Hiding my emotions make me 

weaker,

more volatile,

I am incapable of staying around people for more than a few hours. 

I do not have your experience.

I am young and weak

so my mask cracks a little in stressful situations.

I am ugly,

not the perfect or beautiful child you want,

or expect,

or need. 

Thanks to you I forgot

who I truly am.

My mask has stayed on for so long,

cracked and faded,

so I start to wonder where you end

and where I begin.

Mom, I love you.

But is this your life or mine?

After years of hiding,

I just hope that no one will pull back the curtain

or take off the mask,

because this beautiful illusion is far more appealing to everyone

than the person behind it.

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This is my first slam poem, and I have no idea if anyone will read this. If someone does and has a problem with it, please provide constructive criticism!