You. 

You are a monster.

And sometimes I feel like

there is no part of you

that is the same as it used

to be.

You are a liar. You never stop with

telling your stupid lies.

You are a cheater. You can't even win

so I don't know why I mind.

Why do I even bother with you?

It's not like you care about me.

If I had died the other night,

you wouldn't have found out until

we were in school. And I doubt you

would even take a day or two

to just remember before

you moved on.

Oh wait- you have already moved on

to people much cooler than

I am. I guess you can

relate to them or something.

Your entire mind is consumed by them. 

When I talk, you don't feel the need to listen.

And that makes me want to scream at you,

So I try to keep my mouth shut. 

But, honestly,

where the fuck did this come from??

You're doing 180's and I am praying for

a 360, so you'll spin back around

to where you started. And I am

sorry for what I did.

So, so, unbelievably sorry.

So sorry, that if I ever get a

time machine, I'd go back to that

moment first and I would keep

my disgusting mouth shut.

Now when I am hungry, and my stomach

twists and turns, I think about you

and I just can't bring myself to

eat at all anymore. 

I feel like I am losing track of reality.

But I don't want to end up there.

I am seeing things, driving along,

the telephone poles morph with the

shadows and the cloaked demons

chase me down the street. And when I sleep

he sits there on the floor, waiting,

and I don't know what for.

I'm scared. I'm scared of everything.

I would trade anything to be less cautious,

less afraid of pain, less afraid of

you.  

 

                        r.m.