I was seven when I exclaimed, “I want to be a doctor!”

I have not changed much through time,

Or have I?

 

I have gone through high school,

I have gone through college,

I have seen medical professionals bemoan their life.

 

Yet, I still want to be a doctor.

 

I have seen the best this field has to offer,

“Thank you, doctor,” the patient says with no false pretenses,

The doctor has saved lives today.  

 

I have seen the worst this field has to offer,

Doctors are arguing with one another in the room,

“What to do? What to do?” They all say.  

 

Yet, I still want to be a doctor.

 

Then, has anything changed?

I have grown older,

I have grown taller,

I have experience more.

 

These are experiences I wish I never encountered,

These are experiences I want to learn more about,

However, my goals have not changed.

 

I have become more focused, but at the same time less.

How?

I am not sure.

 

Sometimes I am sure I will be victorious.

I will identify the elusive prognosis!

I will find the root of this complexity!

I will fight with death itself!

You will not take my patient, you fiend.

 

Sometimes I feel a migraine coming.

It hurts! It hurts!

…To think about all the patients I will not be able to save.

It hurts! It hurts!

…To think about all the problems I cannot solve.

 

Yet, I still want to be a doctor.

 

So what has changed?

I have experienced more,

I now know medicine is not perfect,

Not everyone will get better,

There are more problems in the medical field than I can fathom.

 

Yet, I still want to be a doctor.  

 

Maybe what is different these days is not something I can see,

But I can feel it,

It is a proud feeling,

It puts a smile to my face.

 

What is it?

It’s quite simple,

I have grown more confident,  

These days I want shout, “I will be a doctor!”,

Not, “I want to be a doctor”.