The first four notes of that song and I’m back in sophomore year when I wondered if I’d ever be happy. It didn’t look like it but I had to hold on to the hope of someday. Someday I’ll find my place. Someday I’ll be happy. Someday. 

Three years later I’m sitting in my kitchen on my last night of high school. They’re there, my two best friends, just screwing around with food coloring and cupcakes. I watch his complete concentration as he pours the batter into the pan. His energy can be barely be contained by one task, one body. I watch her laugh and tell him what a terrible job he’s doing. She runs her fingers through his hair and she’s wearing one of my tshirts. She looks gorgeous. 

I’ll join them in a moment but for now I’m sitting on a stool, just watching. I’m freezing the moment into memory. A joy so deep and intense it feels like my heart will burst wells up inside me. My face is stretched into a grin as Tokio Hotel plays in the background. I’m there.