Pasts can be difficult ones to overcome

I hear talking about them can help

I am told I have a tendency to bottle everything up

That one day I will just explode

I admit, I do put up a lot of emotions

But I’m just not the sharing type

Today I had what most would call a breakthrough

A little one

I opened up a few pieces of my past

I know a lot of things

Things people don’t know that I know

It is hard holding in all these things

But it’s even harder to find someone I can trust

I have friends and family

But I’m too scared to be outwardly judged

So I put up all my thoughts emotions and feelings

And hold them until I become a raging animal

I am a moody person

Feelings I don’t even know about get the best of me

They take over until my inner self becomes unknown

Suppressing these things can drive me insane

But I’m so confused and I shall take the blame

I can be very cold hearted and quite emotionless

I have moments where I don’t care who I hurt

Just as long as I am the one who isn’t hurting

I take things out on everyone at times

I just can’t help it

I just don’t know anymore

I sometimes lose sight of my ultimate goal in life

I get lost in my own world

I lose sight of me

But then I think

How can I

I don’t even know the real me

It’s a big question that many want to dig deeper into

But I can’t help them

I can’t tell people things that even I don’t have the answer to

All I can do is write

It might come out in a large mass of words

But trust me

It means something