You learn pretty early on that words are never enough

Love is a complicated emotion that when put from pen to paper

Loses it's meaning with each drop of ink

You see, the true essence of humanity is....

Words

Fill my head but like a thing that's on the tip of your tongue

You wish they were like the songs that you cannot get out of your mind

My d.a.d. sings in the car sometimes

I use to sing along, it was our bonding moment

But now, I can't bring myself to sing along

In fear that my words carry like scissors

Cutting the moment of child-like wonder

That I so rarely get to see.

I think it's because my Grandpa never told him he loved him

My Grandpa spells love out

I L.O.V.E. you

The letters L.O.V.E. come through your ears

Before they pierce your heart  

Like a lukewarm reminder of what was said

You see, my d.a.d. made me laugh

Even when he wasn't funny

His hugs filled me with warmth 

The words to describe my d.a.d. are......

 

Listen,

I want to say something....

Words don't ever tell the full story....

 

Why can't I laugh anymore

Why can't I fell anymore

Why can't I be a child

Text messages from a co-worker

Locked office doors

Yelling where there should be smiles

Threats where there should be embrace

I can't speak because I am afraid I'm right

I can't speak because I can never forgive

I can't speak because cheating is just a word

Words

Love is a weird word

Even when it is broken it is still called love

There is distinction of what is between love and hate

No middle ground by which to stand

It is like a lonely island

A child sinking or Swimming

In a world where growing up happens at 14

And you start to think

Maybe if I said something

Maybe if I spoke up

 

Then you let him sing

Because you don't know that your silence

Will soon by co-opted by animosity

Words can't describe what I feel

But silence had answered the unknown

And the child-like wonder is gone

 

Bike Lessons

Stories at bedtime

Junk food when mom is gone

Judge Judy

Because d.a.d. likes to laugh every once in a while

Brothers are gone now

So our family stands at three

Mom, d.a.d., and....

 

You can't categorize everything down to one word

What is family without the ever binding glue that is...

 

So

I let my silence continue after mends are made

I call my d.a.d. on weekends

But by the end, I struggle to find words to close

Words

L.O.V.E.

We spell it out because saying it

Leaves out the silence that 

Constantly makes me feel....

 

Words

Can never show how you feel

So, why do I continue to spell it out

My d.a.d. made me laugh

My d.a.d. made me warm with embrace

He drank till the world closed in

When it all fell apart all I had was

H.A.T.E.

 

Like a phone call

When life ends 

We have to tell that person how we feel

Love, hate

Words

That don't quite describe years of pain and silence

So on the end of all ends

I guess all I have to say to you, d.a.d.

is....

 

Words

The silence fills in the emptiness you once called

L.O.V.E.

Which was absent 

When I poured the alcohol down the drain

Like a waterfall of sadness

That wasn't my tears

Because I knew that like words

Tears don't convey what I feel

The more they happen the less they mean

And so my silence is like 

L.O.V.E.

Because I can't quite bring myself

To cry over what is no longer there

We spell it out so we don't have to say it

 

D.A.D.

A name that I once knew

A person that use to sing along

But I am not singing anymore

And my silence

Is just a reminder

Of a word that describes how I feel

And that word is.....