I love her more than I think she loves herself.
I look at her and see so many things.
I remember oh so well the mask she wore everyday.
The smile that was plastered on her face.
As I grew I saw cracks in this mask I once thought was so perfect.
Her face was porcelian. There was no change. There was no pain.
The cracks grew deeper and deeper.
I remember the smile that once touched my heart.
The hugs I would get when I was hurt and the only relief I had were her arms.
I remember her hope and glow.
I look back now and feel like maybe she didnt always wear the mask.
Sometimes I saw what was underneath.
Sometimes I saw her scars that ran so deep.
Sometimes I saw her tears that hit the floor.
Somtimes I refuse to look to see the pain.
I love this woman, I swear I do.
I was a part of her, I was in her womb.
I grew like a seed being nurtured from her.
I miss her all of her.
I miss her nurturing arms.
I quickly relized my arms are warm and comforting.
I hate the porcelian mask.
I hate the pain that lingers and grows like a tumor.
I hate the scars that seem to continue to be cut open over and over again.
I wished I knew the answer.
I now do.
I wish I could heal her.
Every pill taken, never seems to be the answer.
I once knew her happy face without the damn mask.
I once knew her ambitions and hope towards the future.
I once knew her.
The woman I loved so much.
I long to find her again.
I will not give up until I do.
In the darkness I rock myself to sleep.
My tears hit the floor.
Now I wear the mask.
But unlike her
I will not close the door to the sunlight.
My soul craves life when my body and mind are numb.
I once was her glow.
I will not give up.
I am not her.
My pain will not be hidden.
I will not live my life in the shadows.
My problems and sickness will not take over my life.
The real me will not be a dirty little secret.
I will not become a mask of the person I once knew.