I love her more than I think she loves herself.

I look at her and see so many things.

I remember oh so well the mask she wore everyday.

The smile that was plastered on her face.

As I grew I saw cracks in this mask I once thought was so perfect. 

Her face was porcelian.  There was no change.  There was no pain.

The cracks grew deeper and deeper.

I remember the smile that once touched my heart.

The hugs I would get when I was hurt and the only relief I had were her arms.

I remember her hope and glow.

I look back now and feel like maybe she didnt always wear the mask.

Sometimes I saw what was underneath.

Sometimes I saw her scars that ran so deep.

Sometimes I saw her tears that hit the floor.

Somtimes I refuse to look to see the pain.

I love this woman, I swear I do.

I was a part of her,  I was in her womb.

I grew like a seed being nurtured from her.

I miss her all of her.

I miss her nurturing arms.

I quickly relized my arms are warm and comforting.

I hate the porcelian mask.

I hate the pain that lingers and grows like a tumor.

I hate the scars that seem to continue to be cut open over and over again.

I wished I knew the answer.

I now do.

I wish I could heal her.

Every pill taken, never seems to be the answer.

I once knew her happy face without the damn mask.

I once knew her ambitions and hope towards the future.

I once knew her.

The woman I loved so much.

I long to find her again.

I will not give up until I do.

In the darkness I rock myself to sleep.

My tears hit the floor.

Now I wear the mask.

But unlike her

I will not close the door to the sunlight.

My soul craves life when my body and mind are numb.

I once was her glow.

I will not give up.

I am not her.

My pain will not be hidden.

I will not live my life in the shadows.

My problems and sickness will not take over my life.

The real me will not be a dirty little secret.

I will not become a mask of the person I once knew.