Each day is a constant struggle.
Whether I am gasping for breath
or releasing dank air.
I have never claimed to be a good person.
I know exactly what my actions do,
and I cannot help but love
the fire that burns within that knowledge.
Playing with humans is such a trivial thing.
And I do it. Knowingly.
I feel the tremor in the air
after I have ensnared someone in my web.
I know this feeling,
I feed off of it.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not
do this to everyone, just
select few who will never be more
I have my family that I love dearly.
I have them to thank for
this immortal web.
Something within me knows this game is dangerous.
That someday I will burn from
all of the spirits I have broken.
At first I could not help this
silky touch that I had,
I did not know when I was
entangling simple strangers.
But lately, it has grown.
Grown into something that I no longer
want to feed.
My mind is hungry,
my soul is thirsty.
This infinite game
has drained my being of any
I only now have begun to realize that
broken hearts were not the fault of others.
But my own striking.
Like scalding glass put in a freezer.
Too hot or too cold.
And I was the cold one.
The element that destroyed beauty.
I know this now,
and the blame game has ceased.
My soul is searching now
for something more beautiful,
and I cannot wait
for the day when I am fully transformed.
No longer a mistreated wolf spider,
sulking in the shadows of death,
but a young wolf, strong-willed and
hungry for life.