I compare myself with a flower. If I'm not nourished, I'm hanging, like a suicidal person who can’t bear any more. If it takes longer, I'm lying like grandfather, two meters below the ground and waving. I scream in the cold and I scream in the heat. Everything is too much.The hunger after living makes me do drastic things. Things like mom scream at me that I have to finish, but how can I be sure I'm alive? Pain is another word to live.

To live ends in death. What is the meaning then? If all you are going to do is so bad that the only thing you get is to make it even worse, just because it's the only thing that's going on, what's the meaning?Hunger after seeing the fine red color. Hunger to continue. Hunger after just closing down and never closing up again, like a beautiful tulip in the desert.

Tonight I cried. I saw myself in the mirror and I thought I had become so big, but really I had gone down since last week. The fucking weight is lying, I'm just getting bigger. Nobody is to trust, idiotic fraudsters.

The worst enemy is my psychologist, her name is Iris. I hate her because she has the same name as my favorite flower. She does something so beautiful, to something so disgusting, it's a shame. She has often compared me to a rose because my thorns are so pointed, but she does not understand that my thorns goes inward. I hate everyone, but most of all myself. I'm sick of starving and I'm getting used to hurting. The hunger is the worst there is, all I do is fill it. The number is getting smaller and the density increases.

The blood flows into the drain while the emptiness is being filled.The tears flow down my cheeks while my dearest friend screams to me that I am greedy and fat. She always tells the truth. I love her so much. "You're not allowed to eat that apple, you nasty pig," she says. "You do not deserve it." "When I do not have energy, she makes me keep on training, she's my hey me and motivate me, at least when I've done something she is unhappy with.The pride of doing what she asks me for, and the safety of having someone there for me makes life worth living.

A life without my dear demon had been completely unacceptable. Thanks for being here for me, alluring devil.You fill me up and make me feel alive, even if I'm a zombie. I'm your slave and I could not imagine a life without you. The fullness increases the more you scream and the hunger stops when you finish me.I'm comparing myself with a flower, I'm hanging out because I have not gotten nourishment. I wander without love. Tonight I sleep with my grandfather.