I'm not quite here,
not quite alive,
not fully functional,
fading into wisps of
what I was
once upon a yester-year.
Feel like I am crashing
from a glorious high
that I can never have again.
Hitting rock bottom
and being pulled deep
into the dark, cold dirt.
I am alone,
thrashing in a river,
can't get out,
drowning.
The me you know is gone,
floating away,
downstream,
as the new me takes over.
She is
dead,
depressed,
alone,
addicted
and a monster I try to hide.
Floating on a sea of reading,
gliding on an ocean of music,
going to the rapids,
where I can have neither
to keep me sane.
I need you to see me,
for real,
not the whole person,
but the wisps of consciousness
I have become inside.