I can now comprehend
Why people equate winter to loneliness.
I never used to understand it;
Winter was always my favorite season.
It was my passion.
and tall knit socks
and thick black coffee
and warm fireplace fires
That warm your toes after a trek through the cold winter snow.
I always aspired
To move to the mountains of New England
Where the snow creeps all the way to your knees
and my sweaters and socks can be worn well into spring
and occassionally in the summer as well.
I had a plan
to marry winter
So I had no reason to believe
The all to common stigma
That winter is the embodiment of lonliness
That it is the darkest season.
I fell in love
in the winter.
He came like a blizzard
Ripping at my sturdy, insulated walls
Covering every inch of my world in a blinding white.
I fell in love
Like a child experiences her first snowfall.
Amazed and afraid
Confused and bewildered
Stumbling as the snow around me dissolved.
I ventured out
Into the wild and the white
I braved the storm
What I found was perfection
What I found was the most amazing sensation I could ever.
I found warmth
A warmth like no sweater could produce
like no sock could contain
like no coffee could conjure
like no fire could procure.
I love him.
When he lies behind me
Encompasses me like the towering snowfalls
I had always dreamt of,
I am no longer alone.
I am transported
from the lonely,
From the world of inexperienced children
Of dazed dreamers
Into the world of warmth
Into the world of him.
I am warm.
It is unlike the past summers' heat
That I had despised and dismissed
That melted my spirit
and had always meant loneliness to me.
I loved this warmth
But this unknown season never lasts.
The sun sets
And we teenagers are instructed to return home
To our cold winter beds.
I am loneliness.
Loneliness is being stripped of warm red leaves
Plunged into the stormy wasteland
I have nothing
to break the sharp knife of the slicing winter winds.
All I want is one night
one night in the warmth
I only get a few moments.
I am spinning,
My world is thrown off its axis.
through a darkness I never imagines
through a snowfall I always envisioned
My seasons are always changing.
That the winter will just grow longer.
There will come a day when it lasts months.
and one day myself
This winter will come to last forever.
I am afraid
Of when my long winter will come.
When nothing will let me experience the warmth
Like he does
When nothing is my passion like winter once was.
I am learning
What countless poems portray
What endless songs shout
Through the lyrics I could never understand
I could never comprehend.