Why I'm Gay

Wed, 06/22/2016 - 22:55 -- 17Bibus

Sexuality is a complex concept.


If I got specific about my sexual and romantic orientation,

The most accurate way to describe my preferences would be:


I’m romantically attracted to most genders sans cis males,

But only sexually attracted to women,

But I’d really rather not have sex at all.


But if someone asks me, “What are you?”

The easiest way I can respond is: “I’m gay.”


And the ever-popular response to a girl saying she’s gay is:

“What man hurt you?”


What I’d like to ask is:

Why did I have to have been hurt?

Why is that the default assumption,

When there are so many other possible explanations?


THIS is why I’m gay…


Maybe I’m gay because

When I was thirteen years old,

The word “bisexual” was a label I felt was forced into my mouth

By a society that believes any child that thinks they’re attracted to the same sex

Must be going through a phase,

And they’re right, it was a phase

But I sure as hell didn’t emerge from it as a heterosexual.


Maybe I’m gay because

I believe in “till death do us part,”

And the over-50% divorce rate of heterosexual couples

Makes me nervous.

Same-sex marriage has only become legal recently,

So I still have hope for better statistics with same-sex married couples.


Maybe I’m gay because

I have watched my mother go through two rough marriages to the wrong men

And it makes me wonder if there are any right men.


Maybe I’m gay because

Even though I’m old enough to know that boys don’t have cooties,

hey still make me uncomfortable.


Maybe I’m gay because

My first boyfriend moved too fast,

And my second boyfriend decided he wasn’t ready to date me but also was too prideful to

Be “just friends.”

My trust has been shattered too badly to find out if third time's the charm.


Maybe I’m gay because

Heterosexuals seem to exist for the sole purpose of reproduction,

And I’d rather give a happy home to a parentless child

Than add onto the already excessive population.

Not to mention the undesirable agony of pregnancy.


Maybe I’m gay because

I believe in love without sex.


Maybe I’m gay because

The idea of sex terrifies me,

And women are more likely to respect that.

On that note, male genitals disturb me considerably more

Than those which I am familiar with.

(And I’ll admit it: frankly, I rather enjoy breasts.)


Maybe I’m gay because

My first kiss was with a girl,

And even though I hated and regretted it and feel like it was wasted,

I still enjoyed it better than when the first boy I kissed

Stuck his tongue in my mouth.


Maybe I’m gay because

Even after looking into various gender identities, I still view myself as female,

And yet I also still find myself attracted to other females.


Maybe I’m gay because

I find it unfair that celebrities like Ellen Degeneres and Adam Lambert

Are often portrayed differently by the media

Just because of their sexual preference.


Maybe I’m gay because

When you’re straight, adults are always asking, “Do you have a boyfriend yet?”

But when you’re gay, nobody wants you to BE gay,

So nobody pressures you into finding a relationship.


Maybe I’m gay because

There’s just something about heterosexual couples

That displeases me aesthetically.


Maybe I’m gay because

I prefer to live in rainbow colors

Than in black and white.


Maybe I’m gay because

I’m a theatre kid

And the gay boys always seem to be the cutest and most talented cast members.


Maybe I’m gay because

I would still like to wear a wedding dress,

But I see nothing wrong with there being two beautiful brides beneath the altar.

And if my future wife prefers a suit,

I think women look better in tuxedos than men do anyway.


Maybe I’m gay because

I could be doing drugs and getting pregnant like other girls my age,

But I care too much about my health and happiness

So instead I’m rebelling by way of going against the societal norm.


Maybe I’m gay because

I’m disgusted by the way men objectify women

As if their sole purpose is to please them,

And I don’t fit into the mold society has designed for the “perfect” woman.

Women are more likely to dismiss

My physical flaws when it comes to a relationship.


Maybe I’m gay because

I was happy to hear my grandmother tell me that lesbians have sex by using their tongues

And my step-dad saying that homosexuals are unnatural and all deserve to die.


Maybe I’m gay because

I want to go to Hell,

As insisted by groups of people I don’t even associate myself with.


Maybe I’m gay because

Some parents teach their kids that “gay’ is a bad word,

So if i’m going to be a “b*tch” and an “attention wh*re,”

I might as well be “g*y” too.


Maybe I’m gay because

I LIKE being called a “dyke.”


Maybe I’m gay because

It feels good knowing that the nice, cute girls that pass me on the street

Or talk to me in class

Or smile at me when I pay them at the register

Most likely don’t play for the same team as me

And would be repulsed if I allowed a crush to develop.

Having limited options and frequently crushed hopes

Is tons of fun.


Maybe I’m gay because

I want to be part of an oppressed people that are treated as less than human

And have to fight for happiness.

People that are forced to hide who they are,

Told their feelings are invalid,

Shunned by people they thought cared about them,

And endure slurs and insults everywhere they go.

That kind of lifestyle just sounds so inviting.


Maybe I’m gay because

I’m mentally ill.

Messed up in the head.

I am inflicted with the disease of homosexuality

And there is no cure for me.


Maybe I’m gay because

I am attracted to every gender besides cis males.

I feel attraction toward cis females,

Genderfluid girls,


Male-to-female transgenders,

Female-to-male transgenders that are still biologically female,

And most other non-binaries.

With all these options,

I simply cannot bring myself to like boys that were born and identify as male,

And my attraction is strongest toward females.


Or maybe I’m just gay because I

’m a girl that likes girls.

Maybe that’s all there is to it.


You can’t choose your sexuality,

Just like you can’t choose to be right-handed or left-handed,

Or tall or short.

Everyone has their own reasons for being what they are,

Liking what they like.

That’s just the way people work.


So, I could write a specific label for my sexuality and tell you that I am a

Polyromantic asexual with a preference for cis girls.

But I’ll simplify things and say:

I’m gay.




And I’ll be damned if you think you know why.


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