I’ve spent so long being strong, acting happy, trying to be

Normal.

Pressure welling up like black

Sludge in my throat in my lungs in my head.

The fake smile falters

The mask begins to slip

But what if they see?

They’ll judge you, scorn you, worthless worthless worthless

STOP.

I am fine and the true me should be seen.

You will never be accepted, never never never

PLEASE.

These voices do nothing to help my character

Only remind me of what I could have done

My father killed himself over money,

And I have his blood in my veins.

Why did you not see? You could have prevented it but you were selfish selfish selfish

ALONE.

I don’t know who the true me is anymore,

Lost in a sea of depression and pills

That stole my feelings and locked them away

You act so unfeeling, like a robot. Why can’t you just  reboot reboot reboot?

START OVER.

God do I wish I could.

I wish I could let people in, wish I could throw my mask away

Wish wish wish, but wishing does no good.

There is a perfection to my invisibility

A way that I feel safe.

If I let them in, Will I lose

Me?