What's Your Name

I met you at the age of fourteen

I was confused by your presence and being

You came to me at my most vulnerable

When my will was depleting


Able to morph face and bodies

I could never predict when I would see you

The thought of trying to out run you soon left

All thoughts of escaping you were feeble


But you didn’t come to bully me

Instead you left sweet nothing in my ear

I wish I’d have known at that age

That every word you told me was something I should fear


Tempt me with your sweet word

With poison underneath everything

Tell me never to trust anyone

Tell me to mistrust anything


Help me push away my family and friends

You never did like to share

“Why be around them when you have me?”

Always acting like you cared


You followed me all throughout highschool

Always making your existence felt known

“I’ll stay with you every step of the way

From the time you’re young, to the day you’re grown”


I didn’t understand it at first

I just couldn’t figure you out

You made me want to ball up and cry

You made me want to scream and shot


Whenever I felt like I wanted to end it

You suddenly could never be found

You were there to condescend my ups

But always made an exit when I was down


And then one day, I skipped school

Finally capped out by my depression

A mix of self loathing and hatred

Fed up from all the social neglection


My brother had just been prescribed a lot of pills

I turned my eye upon the bottle

Grab me a soda from the fridge

My mind was working at full throttle


As I put a pill to my mouth

I noticed you weren’t here

I thought about it long and hard

Maybe you’re disappearances weren’t so weird


You always brought me down when I was happy

And when I needed to talk to you most you’d leave

I put the pills back down on the counter

I had grown accustomed to the need


It all made sense now!

No longer did I misunderstand your guide

You had been leading me to a trap

Hadn’t you my dear suicide


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