What's Inside

Why isn't anyone paying attention?
I guess they don't understand......
I try to be open and let them in, hoping someone will notice and return the favor, but it hasn't happened yet. Not even for a minute, a second, a moment.
And becuase of this solitude it has become that. Because in truth it has been this way from the begining.
This is real. 
And yes. I have thought of....that.
But fear controlls me.
I'm glad that it does.
Sometimes someone will actually give themselves over to my eyes.
It feels nice.
But most of the time I don't notice the gesture becuase I'm too busy with my act, wearing my mask, too preoccupied with myself to see anyone else.
And sometimes I feel like I'm becoming my own mask that I have created.
It is killing me inside.
I hope it won't overcome me.
As a child I didn't notice what I didn't have, I was a child, so I usually blindy acted on my emotions, trying to gain what was missing.
I knew the language that silence spoke.
And now that I am older I know what is missing. It weighs heavy on me.
One day I'll have child of my own. And let's say I have a girl.
I will her raise with what was missing.
And then I will say, this is my daughter.......she loves me.


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